Quest for fire(a well done burger in Kaohsiung)

It's been awhile because I've been faily busy, if busy can be construed as sitting on my hands with my thumbs up my ass. I've spent most of the summer sitting at home watching our kids (actually keeping our youngest from killing our eldest), during the summer break.

Most days have been very wet and very hot here, with nary a typhoon to really cool things down. We're fairly lucky as we have a rather large hill between us and the ocean to the west and the mountains to the east, if one should choose to sneak our way. Asa a result the majority of our time is spent in front of the boob tube with the A/C cranked up...or down, depending upon your perspective. To say that I'm developing cabin fever is an understatement. Cabin psychosis is a more apt term. I need to make atrip to Taipei to secure some brain candy soon.

Last week a friend returned from his trip home to Indiana, and had missed our transition from warm to Turkish Steam bath. Now the highs in the Midwest are fairly similar to what we experience here, the major difference being that it actually cools off at night, there. Anyways, we were sitting outside at a local establishment having some BBQ and beer and I swear to Christ that these poor SOBs were melting in front of us. Mark's buddy Hale, who'd never been to the tropics before looked like the Wicked Witch after Dorothy had doused her. Mark himself looked a little damp too. Anyways, the question was asked, 'When does it cool off here?' I looked at my watch and said 'Oh, in about November.' Just wondering how he's going to cope.

Well back to the title of this posting.

My family and I were at a well known 'Western' restaurant this past Sunday for supper. My wife and I both ordered a cheeseburger from the menu and specifically asked that they be well done, e.coli and all that being a problem at home, and this being the Third World.

Now, after taking a bite of my burger I noticed that the outer 2mm or so was in fact well done. However, the inside of the burger varied from pink to red. I waved our server over and pointed out the condition of our burgers, and stated that we had requested well done burgers. They took our plates away and 15 minutes later, they returned with new burgers and the typical 'sorry, sorry'. I thought, end of problem. But no. Both my wife and I checked our burgers and if anything, they were even more undercooked. I could swear that mine made a faint moo and had a detectable pulse. Again, I waved the server over, showing her my serving of steak tar tare. By this time I was reeeally not impressed. Had this been a steak, I would have no complaints, as I prefer my steak to be rare. The server seemed quite perplexed about our dissatisfaction and soon the manager came over to the table. I explained our situation, that we desired a well done burger, not a veterinary lab sample, and she immediately took the stance that I didn't know what I was talking about. 'Our burgers are always well done', she insisted. I pointed to the raw meat on our plates.
'Oh, but the meat we use is so red, it stays that colour even when it is cooked very well done.' I pointed out the meat on the outside as being well done and the proper colour, and that I wanted a uniform colour in my burger. Her final desperate explanation was, 'In Taiwan this is the way we make it because this is the way Taiwanese like it.'

In no way shape or form could I ever be mistaken for being Taiwanese, unless it was during the Dutch colonial period. I told her, just in case she hadn't noticed, that I wasn't Taiwanese and I had asked for a well done burger...... twice, and so far I had yet to receive one. For the love of Christ, or his cousin Buddha, all I wanted was an extra few minutes of grill time. So rather than risk a burger with some secret sauce on it, we left and don't plan on returning.

After talking to several other foreigners, I've discovered that this sort of BS is common in most if not all of their restaurants. The customer is supposed to accept what he/she is given, rather than getting what you ask for. Customer service is non existent or emigrated......wait I seem to recall that the Marigold Restaurant in Winnipeg's Chinatown was shut down for being an out post of Third World standards, not so long ago.